Blue dawn. Cold light of morning.
She wakes up - with a stranger by her side. And shivers with a sudden pang of disgust.
Hands trembling, she lights up a cigarette and takes a deep breath in to ease the urge to vomit.
To no avail.
...nasty taste in the mouth, headache, and a terrible wave of sick.
Sticky sheets. Stench of smoke, and sweat, and alcohol, and weed ... and semen. All that's left form the rave...
A hangover and a stab of self-disgust and guilt...
It takes quite long to recollect what the hell she's doing here.
To recognize her own bedroom - and her honey-bunny hubby...
Her honey-fucking-bunny-damn'im-hubby.
...an absolute creep...
Almost falling down from the bed, she dodges his hands as, in sleep, he tries to hold her closer.
Hurriedly, she picks up her clothes and slams the door behind.
...shakes someone's hand off her breast and staggers to her feet.
And stumbles her way through the bodies scattered all over the place...
'How could that happen? One minute I’m a little sweetheart. And next minute you are an absolute creep, she mutters, lingering over the Walmart in desperate attempt to fix a snack.
...picking a can of Coke, she catches her reflection in the glass panel - deep shadows under red eyes, trembling lips, shabby dirty clothes... and hickeys on her neck...
Hands shaky, she can't hold all that stuff - cans of Coke, packets of crackers and bags of chips scatter on the floor.
People're staring. Staring. Staring... They must know. They know I've got these nasty ideas. Nasty thoughts I can't wipe out. Bugging me. Bugging. Bugs. Bugs in my brain. Nasty bugs.
...they all know I've been naughty. Nasty. Filthy. A filthy whore. Women all are, aren't they? Dirty rotten whores...
Stumbling over the scattered stuff, she rushes to the entry. Out and off.
There she is. In the rain. Staggering slowly past busy looking passer-bys. Shabby, shivering, soaked to the bones.
And she's muttering. 'You've got an OCD. OCD. OCD. You've got an OCD. OCD. OCD.
She's muttering, protect me from what I want.
(c) Llynn, 18/09
In the rain
In the rain
Music ingredients:
Marina & The Diamonds - Obsessions.
Placebo - In the Light of Morning
Placebo - Protect Me from What I Want